The Phantom Shadow

Although this poem was written in the fall, the thunderstorms of spring have the same results. As it thundered and poured this past week and having my Grandson's here, I was reminded of this poem and thought it worthy of sharing. Losing ones power can be a fun and creative experience.

On a chilled autumn

Afternoon of late

Dormant minds

Are forced awake

Sunset makes

its fall descent

While blustery winds

Cause power spent

Conceived on Techno's

Hungry grasp

From gluttonous play

The children fast

A Halloween relic

One vampire's cape

Is transformed by one youth's

Attempt to escape

The shroud conceals

My teenage son

The "Phantom Shadow"

He now becomes

Veiled in darkness

The shadow waits

While giggling after

My grandson skates

Through ghostly lit halls

The duo parade

Setting the scene

For precious memories made

By the amber glow

Of candlelight

The hungry children

Devour night

Then--collapsed center floor

Faint laughter is muddled

Having ate their fill

'Neath the shadow they huddle

On homemade delicacy

Their bellies full

Purged of their energy

By the "Phantom Shadow".

by Elizabeth A. Hall

2003

Firsts and Food

Joseph took his first steps yesterday at Grandma's house and for a few brief moments he stood in place and clapped for himself. I've not forgotten my daughters first steps, taken in sand on the beach in Spooner Wisconsin at Leesome Lake (she too had just turned 12 months). Unfortunately Grandma didn't have her camera handy this time. However it is moments like these that prompt me to get it out and there were plenty more photo opportunities the rest of the evening.

I've never microwaved a pot pie before; a Grandma's first. The package said to microwave it on high for four minutes. Who wrote those directions? There was nothing left of it after four minutes, fortunately I had another one in the freezer and it cooked in two and a half minutes. Joseph was so patient sitting in his high chair waiting.

After letting it cool for a few minutes I gave Joseph the bowl and decided to see how he did with a spoon, I think another first (if not, it was another Grandma first with Joseph). He knew what to do with the spoon, however getting it in his mouth right side up was a challenge and after several failed attempts I pulled out a fork. I'm pretty sure he got enough to eat, though having a pea stuck to ones forehead is distracting to the onlooker.

Mom showed up before I was done feeding Joseph, or should I say "before Joseph was done feeding himself". Geffory was in tow along with Daddy (as we all know, Daddy's follow Mommy's and do what they are told), they had just been to the demolition derby and for a day in late May, it was too cold to stay.

Mom started to come in the house through the kitchen and spied her youngest covered in food and immediately closed the kitchen door. The door opened again, this time Daddy was in the lead, he too closed the door after peeking in and seeing Joseph. They must have been outside deciding if they should turn and run or brave coming in. They decided to be courageous and enter the battle grounds of what looked like a food war.

Geffory was just in time to share in the desert (peach yogurt, what else?) Afterward they were both stripped and sent to the bathtub. By this time the food on Josephs face had begun to dry and we worried it would be a permanent scar. Fortunately that was not the case and by the time the two of them were turning blue and wrinkled Josephs dinner had softened and was easily removed with a washcloth. It was a redeeming moment for Grandma as I had previously lost the last photos of the two brothers in the bath on Easter because I wasn't yet familiar with the photo program I was using. (Always delete photos on the memory card in "safe" mode).

I used to be thankful my children were five years apart, however watching the two brothers in the bath was almost like watching twins as close as brothers can be. Joseph attempted to assist me, washing Geffory's hair and at one point, for no reason, other than that of having a deep, loving bond, big brother smothered little brother with kisses. They do have their moments of rivalry, as they did later when Geffory, cunningly distracted Joseph to take possession of the die cast corvette using the flashy number 48 Jimmy Johnson car. I don't think Joseph minded, as it turns out, he is a fan of Jimmy Johnson too.

After having lost the dirt and food in the bathtub, both boys were wound for sound and a little lighter as they ran through the house squealing and chasing each other (Joseph didn't really run, just crawled really fast). I don't think Mom and Dad were used to the loud squeals and left their earplugs at the race track. Grandma and Grandpa Neil, however were having a great time encouraging them (We have the advantage of loss of hearing). And when it comes to noise and noisy toys, we live to "bring it on". I don't know yet but I bet both boys were asleep as soon as they hit their car seats.

Baby Gates and Peach Yogurt are Essential!

I had the pleasure of watching my two youngest Grandsons last night and though they ran me ragged, I enjoyed every second of it, even if I had to sweep the kitchen floor twice and vacuum the living room twice. I understand now, the need for baby gates.

I cleaned the floors before they arrived so they could crawl and play on them. They love to lay on the floor and play with cars and trucks, Daddy is a Diesel Mechanic and for being 12 months and almost 3 years old, they make all the appropriate sound effects. Geffory the "almost" 3 year old, can lay on the floor in one spot and roll his truck back and forth making engine noise, for very extended periods of time..for his age.

Now, my house is tiny and one would think that it would be an easy task to watch two little rambunctious boys, both in diapers, in the tiny house. I have new found respect for Mom and her small three bedroom apartment with three baby gates "what would she need all those baby gates for?"

Before they tore up the tiny house, I thought I would take them to the park and wear them out. It was a good idea at the time. It was a short walk and I carried Joseph on my shoulders and Geffory followed beside me. When we arrived, I first tried the swings, that lasted all of two seconds before Geffory wanted out and to run. I took Joseph down the slide once (that was enough for me) and then we opted to discover all the life in the grass while Geffory practiced throwing sand and climbing up and down stairs.

I deliberately left my camera behind, not wanting the bulky thing hindering me and not wanting passerby's to see it as there have been a string of house robberies around the neighborhood recently. I regretted it immediately. Joseph sat in the grass playing with dandelions, grass, sticks, rocks..etc, all going into the mouth. I grabbed my camera phone and thought its better than nothing.

When Geffory was Joseph's age I managed to snap a few pictures of him playing in the grass at his older brother's baseball game and one of them ended up winning a "cutest baby" contest that was being held by our local Hy-Vee grocery store. I think I captured the next "cutest baby contest" photo of Joseph, holding out a dandelion to Grandma. For a camera phone, it wasn't half bad.

I had to bribe Geffory to go back to the house to eat dinner with the anticipation of a treat after wards. While I tried to cook dinner the two boys roamed the only two rooms they had access to, the kitchen and the living room, how much trouble could they get into? I brought out the laundry basket of toys and put it in the kitchen, thinking they would play in the kitchen while I cooked. What was I thinking?

Loud noises and screams kept me running back and forth from room to room. The cars they play with that are kept under the T.V. went untouched. Instead it was the dirt in the plants, the books on the bookshelves, everything on the coffee table (being banged against the coffee table), Joseph trying out his new teeth on his brother. I was grateful when I'd finished preparing their dinners, thinking I'd get a break...Not!

I gave Geffory his plate and put Joseph in the highchair with part of his dinner (the rest required I feed him) I thought this would give me time to prepare my own dinner..Ha! Joseph scarfed down everything I gave him before I was finished. Other than the occasional "eat over your plate" directed at Geffory, he was fine on his own. Joseph barely gave me a chance to eat my own dinner but when all was said and done they finished everything and I had to come up with a treat.

For Geffory, a bowl of watermelon chunks left over from our Mother's Day barbecue and I already knew Joseph loved peach yogurt. Geffory wasn't that thrilled with the watermelon and only ate a few pieces, by then Joseph was tired of the yogurt (the first time I gave it to him he acted like it was the bomb).

I don't like to waste food so I switched and gave Joseph the watermelon and gave Geffory the yogurt. One wouldn't think a small .44 cent, generic container of peach yogurt would get a child so excited. Geffory looks like he's having a seizure when he gets excited and the yogurt was seizure inducing. Joseph ate the rest of the watermelon and wanted more so I went back to the yogurt and between the two of them, they finished it off.

By now, I had already learned that cleanup from dinner would have to wait, the pile of dirt I found on the living room floor could not. I washed their hands and set them free, vacuumed up the dirt and chased them from room to room wishing I had at least one baby gate. Though my daughter is always on the run, feeding them McDonald's Fish sandwiches and fries frequently, I thought about the yogurt and how cheap and easily it pleased the boys and wondered why more parents didn't feed their kids healthier snacks, they love it, especially the fruit and to think, I almost gave them cookies.

Reflections of the Unemployed Week 8-9

Obviously I'm busy these days, I've discovered "Blogging", about other things besides myself; Serious matters of Swine Flu and other issues in the news. I think I've applied for every possible job that I'm qualified for and then some. The ads are becoming sparse and I applied for one last week and one this week. In an article in "Carrealism" our skills are "outdated, our experience doesn’t apply and we don’t fit the company culture…welcome to the current state-of-affairs in job search". On the flip side of the coin, "employers standards are too high".

In light of the current state of affairs, rather than becoming discouraged, I've thought of it as a time of discovery. I accompanied my Son to his appointment at our local community college to assist him with filling out Scholarship paperwork and testing. I joined him in taking the "CDM" or Career Decision Making survey. As a Poet, I know I'm not going to make a living but I realized there are other careers out there that I could be considering, one of them being Journalism, or Photo Journalism. As long as I'm being creative, I'm content. Unfortunately, there isn't much demand for writers when I search the local job databases but I have confidence that with the internet available, the possibilities are there.

Neil has been wonderfully supportive in my current endeavors and I am considering going back to school. Not only is there Scholarship funds out there for my son, thanks to President Obama, but he is also eligible for extra funds because I haven't completed a college degree program. The concept behind that is for children to be the first of families to obtain a college education. In addition to the new funds that are being offered for students and funds already available for single moms but add a new catagory to that; Parents that have been displaced from their jobs. So in light of that news, college is more attainable and a very distinct possiblity for me.

The last two weeks of unemployment I have been stretching my wings and expanding my writing to include more than just Poetry and what began as something resembling "public journalism". I've been receiving a lot of traffic on this blog and it is exciting, however I've not had much feedback. I encourage those who are reading my blogs to comment, even constructive criticism is welcome.

Peace
Liz

Web sites of interest for this blog:

College Zone
http://il.gov/learning/
CAREEREALISM

On The Road To Success

My son who will be 20 this year, a lost soul much like his Mother for so long, got his GED last year, in less than two weeks, with great scores. I didn't have any doubts he could do it. He started out in school in the gifted program but he was not a competitor and as parents we were not "upper class". He was picked on and singled out, even by his teachers. Yet we were always called upon because of his grades, even though the teacher said he wasn't at the bottom of the class, he was in the middle; "average" in an above average class.

I believe its not always the parents who leave lasting scars on their children. Teachers are the first socialization and entrance into the big wide world. These are our children's first role models outside the home. Some children will remember only teachers that were their favorites and made a positive impact on their lives. Other children will remember only the experiences that were negative and the teachers that caused them.

In high school, my son felt pressured to "figure out" what he wanted to do with the rest of his life. In the end the pressure was too much and he quit high school. He didn't get his drivers license until he was 18 and after much coaxing and tough love, he finally got his GED. Months later he suddenly grew up and had a mature aura about him and he no longer fit in with his crowd. Yesterday, he began the process of applying for college, was accepted for financial aid and grants to become a Psychologist.

One of the tasks he had to preform was to write a letter to his councilor about the benefits of the program at the community college where he participated in the GED program. I was highly impressed. Being trained in Business Communication and a poet, I recognized in him a natural ability to express himself with the written word and I can't say that I could have done better than him and especially at his age. There was a tad bit of jealousy but a whole lot of pride.

I can honestly say now that "I did good" and all the fuss that everyone gave me about my parenting him and not being "tough" enough didn't change my ways and I'm thankful It didn't. I learned a long time ago that this child was "not" going to "conform", no matter what punishments were implemented, his "indifferent" attitude was not going to change. I parented him with an attitude of "he'll have to figure it out on his own", I had faith that as I figured it out, he too eventually would and it worked and he did!

Respect

The definition of respect according to the Oxford Dictionary is thus:

Respect
1. A feeling of admiration because of their qualities or achievements. 2. Consideration for the feelings and rights for others. 3. polite greetings. 4. A particular aspect or point: the government's record in this respect is a mixed one. - v 1. Have respect for: 2. Avoid harming or interfering with. 3. Agree to recognize and observe (a law, rule, etc.)

Respectable
1. Regarded by society as being proper, correct, and good. 2. Adequate or acceptable; fairly good.

Respectful
Feeling or showing respect

I don't know how others determine who or how they show respect. But in my book, I respect everyone. Sometimes they do things to lose my admiration by revealing qualities that are not so admirable and go against my beliefs of what is right or wrong and then, "maybe", they lose my respect. But in any case, I am still respectful because I was brought up to be polite and courteous and abide by the law and rules. Sometimes breaking a law or rule when it doesn't affect anyone other than myself I might stretch it or maybe even break it. But it only hurts me because I am still avoiding "harming or interfering".

I've tried to instill these qualities in my children but am I "respectable"? As a parent I may be "adequate or acceptable; fairly good". I know kids who have worse parents than myself and one would expect that for that reason in and of itself is good reason for my children to respect me as a parent. For the parents that are not "quite" as good as myself, maybe they are still "adequate or acceptable; fairly good" and so they should deserve respect as well, they are probably doing the best that they can.

Then there are those parents that are darn right awful, abusive and have no respect for anyone other than themselves, I'm not referring to them. Those parents instill fear in their children in an attempt to get them to behave or abide by the rules. Fear and respect are not the same thing.

As a parent, I expect certain things from my children, very simple things. I expect them to be respectful of my belongings, my home and my guests. Classified under that would be "don't touch my things unless you "ask" and "be polite". "Asking", very simple! Usually when asked, I say "OK" if its within reason. If you don't ask and just take, that's stealing and disrespectful. Something as simple as getting into my change jar, borrowing my CD player, my camera, my guitar, even getting into my wallet, are all things that I would probably say "OK" to but let me hand them the change or the few dollars I have.

Once these things are respectfully obtained, I expect them to be treated with respect as well. Don't leave them laying on the floor to get broken or leave the CD's/DVDs laying about to get scratched and put them away when one is done with them, "Pick up after yourself" and "take pride in your home and how it looks" its a reflection of who you are. The argument there is usually "well, you don't" maybe not sometimes but I'm not affecting anyone but myself if it is mine, the only one it will hurt is me.

One of my flaws as a parent is to let things slide. I love my kids and don't like to be angry with them. I would rather remind them of what they did wrong or remind them of what needs to be done and ask them to be more respectful next time but then at some point that becomes nagging and brings on more disrespect.

I'm still the same person/parent with the same core values and rules, in that case, according to definition 1 and 2 of the Oxford Dictionary, one would expect respect to be consistent. "I didn't like your behavior that day" should not be directed at a parent from a child. Its a poor excuse for misbehaving. You either respect your parents or you don't, there is no in between; no Grey area.

©2008