Static

By Elizabeth A. Hall

Matching double beds stare back

from the static screen, of the black TV

as I lay and tap the keys on my laptop.

My day was over hours ago

but the challenge is the night;

sixteen hours of idle time.

The butts in the ashtray pile high.

Distracted, I wait for your call.

I've listened to your doleful message,

repeatedly, there's no response to mine.

Water from a flimsy plastic cup

tastes like strange city.

I don't feel like getting up, instead,

crunch on the ice from the bucket;

drowning the sound of slamming doors

and traffic. Dinner is dispensed

from the first floor vending machine;

the finest cuisine a few coins can buy.

I have to ground myself for fear of shock.

A single setting on the heater; "hot and dry";

generates more static.

© Elizabeth A. Hall, 2010, all rights reserved.

Shades of Me

Moving from Fall into Winter has brought up many questions and answers in my mind this week. Re-reading "Shades of Me", I realize that it might just be possible for that "Spring" to come again. That "Shade" of me has not died yet, though for months, possibly even years, its felt as though it had.

I've feared the "Spring" and have been content to remain in the "Winter", when all things have died or are dormant. I am still terrified of the "Spring" but I can see it coming now and despite the mixture of feelings it arouses, the season will change and I can choose to remain dormant or embrace it. I think I will embrace it and go with the flow of the seasons.

Thanks "T"


Shades of Me
such as the seasons be

Ever changing hues
of green to gold,
from young to old

And as if Spring
has come to stay,
abruptly, it is swept away.

Contentment leaves
dew turns to frost.
I cry for a Spring,
that appears to be lost.

Blossoms wilt
and turn to brown.
Will shades of Spring
again be found?

Assuredly as seasons change
fragments of the Spring remain.

"Shades of Me" was published by Rook Publishing in "Quothade an Anthology" in 2005 and is my all time favorite poem.

Road Warrior - A Job of Many Hats

I apologize for my absence, I have had some drama in my own life and have moved into a new apartment although Its been a month, I'm still moving. Its quite difficult when one is out of town five to six days a week. My personal story is not yet ready to be written, however It will in time be told. Perhaps when I've completed the move and my own drama has dissipated.

I have other stories to tell right now about the amazing people I have met through my job as a simple Portrait Consultant. Spending my evenings in churches around the Midwest, helping people from all walks of life choose their portraits for their church directories and selling them packages of their images to hang on their walls.

The most memorable of my customers tend to be the elderly. There was a time in my life that I did not have to work but out of boredom I took on a couple of part time jobs. One was working with the elderly as a "Congregate Homemaker". I drove a small bus and took them shopping, to their doctor appointments and did their laundry and sometimes cleaned their homes and fixed their meals. I loved that job but there came a point where I had to move on but I built quite a rapport with the elderly and that job helped me personally when it came time to take care of my own elderly parents who have since passed on. Because of my past experience, my present experiences are extremely gratifying.

I am astonished sometimes by the stories my customers tell; The 35 year old pastor of one church in North Central Iowa had gone to pick up their oldest member, One-hundred and one. He said by the time he got out of the car to open the door for her, she was already in the church and he was left in the dust. I thought my 96 year old customer from Northeastern Iowa, an active business owner who had just gone golfing the day before was incredible. But then someone else comes along and completely blows my mind.

In Southern Illinois in a little country church in the middle of nowhere an elderly woman with a walker was waiting for her pictures to be taken. She moved at a slow pace but had spunk and all her wits about her. The hostess at the table told me she had just had her Ninetieth birthday and so I sat down next to her and wished her a happy birthday. "Spunk" cannot accurately describe this woman.

The frail appearing woman informed me she had gone sky diving on her last birthday and had wanted to go again this year, however her friend was unable to go with her so she passed this year but intends on going again for her Ninety-first birthday. Needless to say, I was impressed. After her pictures were taken and viewed she hung around for a while and mingled with the rest of the congregation that were waiting for their own pictures to be taken.

After she had gone, I learned that little miss skydiver was working on her "bucket list". The hostess, a few decades younger than the skydiver turned out to be her closest friend. This summer she was asked to tag along with her to Seattle Washington. One of the items on her list was to have lunch on the Space Needle. So one day, her and her friend got on a train and headed for Seattle. They had their lunch on the Space Needle, got back on the train immediately following and returned home. That was all she wanted to do and had no desire to stay for any length of time in Seattle. The next item on her "bucket list" is a scheduled cruise to Alaska. What some might call gossip others call good stories.

There is a down side however to the stories. You are bound to run into hardships and pain in this line of work. I sat at my table with a young attractive couple and their young children in Bloomington Illinois. A beautiful church I might add. But there is ugly sometimes hiding in the beauty. It may seem silly but in the short amount of time I spend with my customers, there is a slight bond that develops sometimes. This particular family seemed very happy and pleased with their pictures and their positive energy seemed to rub off on me when they left. But then the gossip from the hostess completely caught me off guard. This beautiful young woman was dying of cancer, she was wearing a wig I was told. I then went to my car and cried.

It seems recently I've had to wear the hat of counselor as well. Knowing in advance that someone is dying and going to be sitting at my table is a completely different expereince. In fact today I sat with a couple and the husband was dying. He was just diagnosed with advanced lung cancer three months ago, but she seemed to be in the acceptance stage and said she was surprised that he wanted to come and have his picture taken. He'd only been given a few months to live. While we viewed their pictures, he stepped out of the room to visit with other church members. And completely out of character, I asked her questions and shared the story of my best friend who had lung cancer and was given six months to live but refused to "get her things in order" and lived for five years. Sometimes people just need someone to listen, relate to them and empathize with them.

The first time for a Widow or a Widower to have their picture taken without their spouse is a very traumatic experience. Sometimes they flat out tell me and I end up consoling them with a hand on the shoulder while they struggle to choose their directory pose. Others, I can see it in their eyes when the pictures appear on the screen and their expression suddenly goes blank. At those moments I begin asking them about their children and grandchildren and it distracts them enough to be able to complete the task.

In my line of business there are those who deliberately avoid those customers because they know they will not buy or at least that's their assumption. They will take their time with their current customer and the other Portrait Consultant ends up having to take them. Not all of them shuffle the deck but there are those who's main objective is to get the sale. I think its just as well that I end up with them under the circumstances because compassion is what is needed at the moment, not just a sales person.

This is the most gratifying job I've ever had and hope it is the last job I ever have. I get to travel, hear wonderful stories that bring a smile to everyone I share them with and on occasion help people through a difficult experience while making a decent wage. I have aspired at one time or another to be a church secretary, a hospice nurse, a psychologist, a photographer and a writer. I have discovered a profession that includes a little piece of all of them.


Peace
Liz

Road Warrior - Revisitng Lover's Leap

I left abruptly Monday morning for Saint Louis, Missouri. It was 3:00am when I couldn't handle the situation at home any longer having slept about two hours when I departed. I watched the sun rise somewhere south of Peoria, Illinois. Adrenalin coursing through my veins finally wore out about fifty miles from my destination and I had to pull over for a coffee refill and pull myself together.

I spent two days in Saint Louis, terrified to drive anywhere other than work. I have a fear of driving in big cities. I knew there were several sights I would have liked to have visited but didn't. Our job was nothing short of a bad dream. But you'll have those days. I pretty much stayed in my motel room for the duration and ate nearby. Of course, I never thought I'd be driving all over the country side for work at any point in my life or solo for that matter. I'm glad fear didn't prevent me from taking this job, though I may complain on occasion, I do love it.

I left on Wednesday morning and decided to take the scenic route 79, even though it was an hour longer. I had plenty of time to enjoy the day and a lot on my mind. Normally I avoid driving the winding, curving hilly roads as much as possible ( like the busy cities) but this time I chose to drive them deliberately. If I hadn't I would have missed some beautiful scenery and some good pictures.

I stopped in a place called "Blue Rose" North of Clarksville and saw a sign for the "Village Lodge Bed & Breakfast", touting a restaurant with a beautiful view, I had to take a peek. Unfortunately I was 1/2 hour too early for lunch and they weren't open but it was a beautiful view indeed and I walked about the property thinking that maybe some day I might like to stay there. I think I also stopped at every scenic overlook that I came across.

When I came upon Hannibal I saw the Mark Twain Cave off to the left and a flood of memories came rushing back. I'd been in Hannibal before with my now ex-husband and I had a feeling I knew what was coming up on the right hand side of the highway. Sure enough there it was, "Lovers Leap". I had to stop, I was drawn to it. After taking pictures and appreciating the view much more than I had years ago I thought about revisiting the Mark Twain Diner for lunch and headed back down the cliff to town.

Town was a buzz with activity and I couldn't find a parking place, so I decided to continue on with my journey, I could see the bridge that would take me into Illinois and away from "The Great River Road" and decided that I'd had enough. On my way to the interstate I glanced to my right and there was the horrid hotel we had stayed in, it was a dump then and was worse today but regardless, I smiled, remembering us both waking with aching backs from the bed.

Even though things didn't work out with my ex-husband, it didn't stop me from enjoying the memory that we shared in Hannibal which brings me to the moral of this particular story. When I left for Missouri It was an unpleasant evening, I won't go into details except to say that no one was hurt, physically anyway. No one ever really wins in a break up, but if it doesn't work out you can at least say you tried (sometimes several times) and took a risk and jumped off the cliff into the unknown, just as I did this trip. Even though it began badly and work didn't go well, I chose to take the winding, curving, hilly roads home despite my fears and ended up making some new memories as well as recalling some good old ones. We choose how we are going to remember our experiences. I choose to look back and remember the good things about this trip and life.

Road Warrior - The Friendliest People You Will Ever Meet

I was back on Highway 24 this week it was nice to return to a familiar place that I enjoyed before. This time it was a trip about the people. I worked in Fredricksburg Iowa first, A small farming community as was Saint Lucas where I spent the last three days of the week.

I always learn a little something about everyone when they sit down at my table but I spent a lot of time mingling with them in the waiting area this trip. I met a 91 year old woman in Fredricksburg who left their young pastor in the dust when he personally picked her up and brought her to the church for her picture to be taken. Before the pastor could get out and help her to the door, she was in and ready.

Most of them hung around for coffee and cookies after they were done, just chatting and the positive energy was contagious. there were people who drove for miles to attend that particular church and it was very understandable. They were a tight group. I told them I loved it up in the area and thought about moving to the area many times but this church I said I would join if I ever did. They offered to come to the Quad Cities and help me pack. I made a joke about it, but the pastor said he was quite serious.

After Fredricksburg, Saint Lucas was much the same but we spent three days there. This tiny town was nestled in the crevice of the surrounding hillsides. It was beautiful countryside. I stopped one day on the way to work at "The Little Brown Church", the smallest church in the world, with only four small pews. Then I met up with my partner for the week and had lunch at "The White House". It went highly recommended by someone from Fredricksburg and the food and service was great.

The people of Saint Lucas were also very kind and friendly. We were told stories of the residents (not gossip) that we had met or in the case of one elderly man in his 90's, we never met, who had just gone into assisted living. He claimed he didn't need to be reminded of his appointment but when it came time, he had taken a bus to the River Boat in Dubuque. His sister rescheduled the appointment for the next day and he again came up missing. This time he had gone off on an expedition with one of his son's. I don't believe he ever made it to have his picture taken.

One thing I noticed was the prevalence of certain surnames in the area and I inquired with several of them as to their relations with this or that person whom I had sat with earlier but found a lot of them were distant relatives and these people had been farming and living in this tiny community for generations.

Its a good feeling to be so well received by an entire community. We had bars reopen their grills just so we could eat something after work. Everyone knew who we were and where we were from and struck up conversation wherever we went. Our presence was also requested on the next shoot in Fredricksburg in a couple of weeks. We apparently made a good impression.

Road Warrior - The World Is A Smaller Place

It poured all the way to Decatur, it was a depressing journey. Like many bad experiences, they are just part of life. Let me rephrase that, not "bad" or "good" so much, as reflective. Most of my journeys have been reflective thus far, however one reaches the threshold of enlightenment at some point that changes your entire perspective on life. And when that happens, it affects everyone around you. I've often been told "you think too much". I don't understand why that's a bad thing. Driving long distances allows an abundance of "thinking" time and is meditative.

I'm finding nothing appealing about Decatur and in a way this city and this trip parallels my life at this moment in time. It poured all the way here and many of the gas stations on the way had just been through a storm and had no power. Decatur is littered with large, looming factories producing pollution and it smells. The roads are confusing and in need of repair. I have difficulty finding my way around. The only clarity and solitude I'm finding is being locked up in my hotel room, a suite with no bathtub and taking a bath is sacred to me.

I tried to sleep in on Wednesday because I've been designated to receive advanced training before work. The doors here are loud and always slamming and it was fruitless. My District Manager believes I should be at the top of the district in sales after only six weeks. That's a lot of expectation to shoulder.

I was glad to return home on Saturday. It was a hot trip back, in the 90's with no air conditioning, it was a relief when the sun went down. I took a different route back and enjoyed the experience of crop dusting planes playing in the air and chicken with the cars. I also found wind turbines in the area as the sun was setting; my only visual pleasures of trip.

My only day off on Sunday was very busy. It began with Birthday shopping for my Grandsons and then to their party. It was a great feeling to be able to buy them gifts after such a long dry spell of being broke all the time and then unemployed. I've never been able to enjoy the satisfaction of giving without worrying about breaking the bank and it was an excellent feeling. They were all very pleased, with the exception of the littlest, whom only being one year old, doesn't care so much as whats in the box, but the box itself.

The remainder of the day was trying to stay cool, doing laundry, re-packing and finally a relaxing movie and bed only to turn around and start it all over again on Monday. I must say I am glad to be back in Iowa. Marshalltown, Fredricksburg and Saint Lucas are my jobs this week. Iowa seems so small now after feeling like I've been to every nook and cranny. When I really contemplate that thought, the "World" is now a smaller place and no destination feels "too far". Sometimes when I'm driving I think I could just keep going and see the World!