At The Far End Of Life

At the far end of life
where worries are few,
where mid-summer suns,
leisurely, drink of the dew.

Where creeping phlox creep
at the pace of no time,
I yearn for that place
In the back of my mind.

At the far end of life
where time stands still,
where descent comes with ease
after climbing the hill.

Where memories stroll
with syrupy thoughts
past times thick with struggle,
the heart overwrought.

At the far end of life
when turmoil has passed,
I just want to grow old,
arrive at contentment at last.


Shorter version was Published in the Lyric, Voluem 85, Number 4
© 2005

Embracing Change

Life is a work in progress. Everyday is new and different. Everyday poses a new challenge, a new obstacle, a new struggle. "What doesn't break us will only make us stronger". I haven't broke yet. I haven't given up yet. Never in my life have I "not" been in control. Apparently God thinks its been long over due that I learn that lesson of letting go of the control and the things that I thought mattered most. The only control I have now is how I react or respond to the situation.

I am a "what you see is what you get" kind of person. I don't care what people think of me, therefore I am not afraid to be myself or say what I think. I'm kind and compassionate and as I said to my friend Vetter last night, "I'm just too nice". He assured me that was a dying quality and a good quality. Unfortunately, sometimes it gets you no where. Many people who have been through what I've been through in the last couple of years would grow cold and bitter, its just another coping mechanism to avoid pain. But its the pain that makes us who we are and its how we respond to that pain that builds our character and its how I respond that keeps me from becoming that cold bitter person. Who wants to be cold and bitter? I've learned to embrace the pain.

I've sacrificed my love for others and have stood back and watched them get hurt over and over again. Its like tough love, watching them hurt and not being able to do a damn thing about it or knowing you need to stay out of it. They have to learn it on their own or they will have learned nothing. I had to learn it, nobody was going to tell me what to do, but eventually you wake up and say "you were right" but by then its too late. To the outside observer, knowing the truth about any given situation really doesn't matter. People choose to be blind because it's less painful or its better than the alternative or less risky.

I used to wonder why I always chose the rough road but if we don't take the rough road, it takes us longer to really learn our lessons if we learn them at all. The easy road is just "the easy way out". Like people who don't like school, they skip class and end up not learning a thing or just dropping out and then where does that leave them? Not on solid ground that's for sure. You can't walk through life on the "soft" ground because it keeps giving way under your feet and you have to keep picking yourself up and starting over, eventually it gets exhausting and you give up and just lay there in the dirt, feeling dirty and weak. You lose your sense of self and pride and integrity and your journey becomes "not worth the effort" and you stop caring.

Every day people are given signs and pointed in the right direction, but every day those signs are ignored. Why? Because their minds are clouded by selfishness, with insignificant feelings of self pity and thoughts of "poor me". "Why is this happening to me?" they may ask. All the answers are right there.