On Being Genuine

There are all kinds of people. What I think I've learned most about people as I've grown older is that the "what you see is what you get" , the genuine kind are few and far between. Everyone has some hidden insecurity or agenda that makes them think they have to put on a facade. I'm not excluding my self here mind you, I just don't hide them. People act one way in the presence of this person, another in the presence of that person. They all tell you what they think you want to hear. They assume way too much, did it ever occur to them that if they had a question to just come out and ask? They make promises and don't keep them. Who do you know who you can count on? If you want to count on someone, count on yourself, you'll never be disappointed and if you are, its nobody's fault but your own.

I guess I'm just gullible even naive. I expect when people tell me something that its true and they mean it. I have faith in them and am able to see the good in everyone and I always give them an opportunity to show their best side. If they don't, I don't judge them for it, its probably not their own fault they are fucked up; some experience ended up changing them, they become bitter, insecure and fake, even scared to live life. If there is anyone that should be those things, I've been through enough that it could be me but I'm not any of those things. Those emotions are fruitless, what good do they do anyone other than to push people away from them. People don't want to deal with other peoples drama.

I just want to be myself, if you like it, great! If not, its not going to offend me, if you have a problem with me, its not my problem. I like myself and I'm not going to be fake just so someone will like me. Why get frustrated over it? People are responsible for their own happiness but they wander aimlessly thinking that someone else can make them happy.

I'm content by myself sometimes and if I don't answer the phone or don't come over or say no to something, why is it they always think its because of them? They assume, create things in their heads as to "Why?" making up their own little scenarios thinking there must be something wrong and its just useless energy spent worrying.

All these little things end up making people paranoid, bitter, insecure, jealous, afraid..etc. Sometimes emotions are just a pain in the ass. I try to go with the flow and I'm not perfect but I'm not going to dwell on it either. I might write about it and then its done and over and I can move on to something else.

I'm not very gracious at accepting gifts and I can tell you exactly why. I was adopted and never got any affection from my parents but they spoiled me with material things. I was never left wanting for anything, but you know what? I would rather of had the affection. I would rather have been told "I love you!". I felt as though I was being bought off; "approve of me because I do all these things for you and buy you all these things"...they are just things. People think that if they do this or that for you, you will overlook their faults but they are only trying to make themselves feel better and then they turn around and expect something in return. But, in some sense it was a good thing, because if you know me well, when I do something for someone or give a gift, its not out of obligation, to gain approval or expect something in return, its because I felt like it.

I dislike Christmas just for that reason, geez how much pressure do people go through on Christmas for approval? "Gotta buy the right gift!" "If I give a good gift I'll get a good one in return." Gotta send everyone you know a Christmas card, you don't want them to think you aren't thinking of them and you want to get as many in return so you feel good about yourself. The best part of Christmas or any holiday for me is spending time with someone, having stimulating conversation over a good meal. I'm not being bitter or a scrooge, I'm just making an observation. Kudos to those who give and don't expect anything in return.

Anyway, I'll get off my soap box. I'm not directing this blog to anyone specific and if you think otherwise, there you go "assuming" again.

Here's my Christmas gift to everyone...good advice from the book "The Four Agreements" by Don Miguel Ruiz:

1. Be impeccable with your word
2. Don't take anything personally
3. Don't make assumptions
4. Always do your best

Peace
Liz