Respect

The definition of respect according to the Oxford Dictionary is thus:

Respect
1. A feeling of admiration because of their qualities or achievements. 2. Consideration for the feelings and rights for others. 3. polite greetings. 4. A particular aspect or point: the government's record in this respect is a mixed one. - v 1. Have respect for: 2. Avoid harming or interfering with. 3. Agree to recognize and observe (a law, rule, etc.)

Respectable
1. Regarded by society as being proper, correct, and good. 2. Adequate or acceptable; fairly good.

Respectful
Feeling or showing respect

I don't know how others determine who or how they show respect. But in my book, I respect everyone. Sometimes they do things to lose my admiration by revealing qualities that are not so admirable and go against my beliefs of what is right or wrong and then, "maybe", they lose my respect. But in any case, I am still respectful because I was brought up to be polite and courteous and abide by the law and rules. Sometimes breaking a law or rule when it doesn't affect anyone other than myself I might stretch it or maybe even break it. But it only hurts me because I am still avoiding "harming or interfering".

I've tried to instill these qualities in my children but am I "respectable"? As a parent I may be "adequate or acceptable; fairly good". I know kids who have worse parents than myself and one would expect that for that reason in and of itself is good reason for my children to respect me as a parent. For the parents that are not "quite" as good as myself, maybe they are still "adequate or acceptable; fairly good" and so they should deserve respect as well, they are probably doing the best that they can.

Then there are those parents that are darn right awful, abusive and have no respect for anyone other than themselves, I'm not referring to them. Those parents instill fear in their children in an attempt to get them to behave or abide by the rules. Fear and respect are not the same thing.

As a parent, I expect certain things from my children, very simple things. I expect them to be respectful of my belongings, my home and my guests. Classified under that would be "don't touch my things unless you "ask" and "be polite". "Asking", very simple! Usually when asked, I say "OK" if its within reason. If you don't ask and just take, that's stealing and disrespectful. Something as simple as getting into my change jar, borrowing my CD player, my camera, my guitar, even getting into my wallet, are all things that I would probably say "OK" to but let me hand them the change or the few dollars I have.

Once these things are respectfully obtained, I expect them to be treated with respect as well. Don't leave them laying on the floor to get broken or leave the CD's/DVDs laying about to get scratched and put them away when one is done with them, "Pick up after yourself" and "take pride in your home and how it looks" its a reflection of who you are. The argument there is usually "well, you don't" maybe not sometimes but I'm not affecting anyone but myself if it is mine, the only one it will hurt is me.

One of my flaws as a parent is to let things slide. I love my kids and don't like to be angry with them. I would rather remind them of what they did wrong or remind them of what needs to be done and ask them to be more respectful next time but then at some point that becomes nagging and brings on more disrespect.

I'm still the same person/parent with the same core values and rules, in that case, according to definition 1 and 2 of the Oxford Dictionary, one would expect respect to be consistent. "I didn't like your behavior that day" should not be directed at a parent from a child. Its a poor excuse for misbehaving. You either respect your parents or you don't, there is no in between; no Grey area.

©2008