Hard Core Hysterectomy Confessions

I'm bored to tears, can't sleep and am coaxing along the long awaited BM after surgery. Today is the day, I've taken a pain killer in anticipation. (I know, I'll write about anything for the sake of writing. Sorry folks its the drugs.) The question of the day? will two the size of a pea constitute a BM? Surely its not a "Big Mama" more like " Borderline Microscopic". I have until Monday, then I have to call the Doc. Who by the way I've grown very fond of.

After feeling like I had been turned into a blow up doll, watching my legs inflate and deflate, knowing all I have left of my femininity is a tube. Everyone had to keep reminding me that my vagina was packed...packed for what? A vacation, where is it going and why? I finally learned the purpose of the packing when it was time to go home, the Dr. came in and announced she was unpacking my vagina...."You were told it was packed?" she asked. I thought to myself, "Yes, too many times to count, I'm glad its staying".



Doc spread 'em and proceeded to remove the long strip of gauze that was packing my vagina (I've been told I like that word and use it way too much). As she was removing it, hand over hand she clenched her teeth, smiled and bobbed her head as she often does and said "it just keeps on coming"..lol She may be a doctor but I think she secretly wanted to be a magician because that's what it looked like, a magic trick but instead of scarves in pockets, she uses gauze in vaginas.


I think we bonded while I was there and she called me yesterday, with much excitement (I think she was more excited than myself) to say that my biopsy came back NOT CANCEROUS!. I had fibroids and something called Asherman's syndrome. She had initially told me she would let me know on my follow up appointment this upcoming Wednesday. But she surprised me again.



Now I have 6 to 8 weeks of not being able to much of anything. I've learned that I tend to drop things a lot, not being able to bend over to pick them up there are things scattered about the house; missed tosses in the garbage can, pill bottle lids, pills, a couple of spoon fulls of jello...all have to wait until someone can come pick them up for me. In the hospital I thought it was due to the morphine drip causing the drops. I had to buzz the nurse to pick up my glasses, my comb and something else I don't recall because, after all I was on morphine.


Now that I'm home, I have to wear these cute white tights to prevent blood clots and I so wanted to go lay out in the sun the past couple of days its been so nice. I also have to wear the "swelly belly belt" to prevent me from "bustin a stitch". What happens if I bust a stitch? I'm just dying to tell you this one, my vagina turns inside out and then I will have had a sex change instead of a hysterectomy. I know, I have a sick, sick mind.


And a great big thanks to my son and my boyfriend who have been picking up after me and putting up with my sick jokes and the word vagina more than any man should have to. Love you both.