Hope

When we put up the Christmas Tree after Thanksgiving, we had to purchase new ornaments, mine were buried in my storage unit. Aside from them being buried, it just didn't seem right to hang all the old ornaments from Christmas' past. The past was long gone and I had been sadly hanging onto it.

Its amazing how in an instant, the path you are on can fork with a prong that wasn't there before, it just suddenly appears and takes you in a totally different direction. Though unexpected, in November my entire life changed. Work was going great, my son had started college in the fall. Life was becoming "OK" but meeting someone special had made it even better. Things were looking up!

When my son and I went shopping, we decided on the theme of "Hope" for the tree's decor. "Hope" for the new year; that it will be one of new beginnings. How do you convey "Hope" through ornaments you may ask? We covered the tree with butterflies, for new beginnings, musical notes, for the beautiful music that would be made in the coming year and of course, ornaments that said "Hope".

My tree had not been erected for at least four years. It is a large tree and my loft apartment was large enough to accommodate it and besides, I actually felt like celebrating Christmas. While I put it together, my son played the guitar for me. It was a precious memory that I will cherish and recorded with my camera. My son and his fiance' trimmed the tree the following day, they both had a fabulous time of their own.

We celebrated Christmas the week before and the kids and Grand kids were here. They all had a wonderful time and the apartment was filled with joyful energy. Laughter was heard throughout the evening. It was the best Christmas I could recall having since I was a little girl and we were camping at Disney World in Florida.

Come January, the winter had already been harsh. Schedules at work slowed and sometimes canceled due to poor weather. In February, I had surgery and missed more work. It looked for a moment like I was going to lose the apartment. Fortunately I had help from the new beau and income taxes came. I am still paying my bills with my income tax return but there is "Hope" in sight. Work is picking up gradually but with my lease coming to and end, I had to make some tough choices.

I've never lived anywhere but here in my hometown but was invited to live with my boyfriend, three and a half hours away, just for the summer until I could get back on my feet. I sat my son down and we discussed the options and he told me to do what I had to do. And now I am in the process of doing it.

I finally took down the tree this week, three months after Christmas. I enjoyed looking at it and still turned on the lights when I was able to be home. It was melancholy, not just because I am moving again (for the sixth time in three years) but because now my son is angry I am leaving and he is not speaking to me, despite the fact it was only to be a temporary situation and we had already discussed the possibility it might happen.

However, good always seems to come from the bad. I don't know what it is, we never know until we have the hindsight to look back and say, "I'm glad that happened", that's what "Hope" is; the ability to take any given situation and "Hope" it gets better. I still have "Hope" that this will be a great year. Sometimes its our loved ones that make it what it is. It's never as bad as it seems when they are there beside us and supportive.

I don't remember the struggles I've had so far this year. What I do remember is Christmas, being snowed in and watching movies, snuggled on the couch and eating lots of cake, the squeals and laughter of my Grandsons and kids playing and being thankful that my taxes came when they did. I "Hope" my son comes around and realizes that half the battle, half the struggles in life, are with our own attitudes and how we perceive and react to situations.

I love my family and friends. I am truly blessed. I could have the worst year ever this year, but I will choose to remember the best parts!

Footnote: I didn't post this blog after writing it, I had forgotten about it with my busy schedule but with Christmas right around the corner again, I thought it appropriate and the good news is, my son is speaking to me again, and as I suspected, good has come of it! My son has become more independent, I have paid my bills and have been able to build a savings for the upcoming slow season. It was a very good year but it went way too fast!